Hoping to have this novel out next month, though there’s still proof-reading to do before it’s ready to go.
Archive for the ‘Genres’ Category
Just uploaded a new version of Petrina to Amazon. No really major changes, I just revised the opening (mostly by swapping the order of the first two scenes), and tweaked some things that bugged me in the rest of the book.
So there I was recently, playing Goat Simulator, as you do during boring phone calls. When I quit, I looked at my Steam library, and noticed this game, Scourge: Outbreak. I didn’t remember buying it, and turns out I didn’t.
A year or three back I got Scourge Project in some kind of Steam sale deal, and I played for five minutes and quit. Turns out that Scourge: Outbreak is a remake of that game, and they gave it free to everyone on Steam who owned the original.
I honestly couldn’t remember anything about that game, so I thought I might as well install it and give it a try.
Start it up. Unskippable ad videos telling me it uses the Unreal engine and other time-wasting crap. Ugh. Why?
Really, just why? A new player starts up your game, excited to try it, and you make them sit through a minute or so of ad videos.
Who, exactly, in the game companies thinks this is a good idea?
Starting a new game gives you a choice between four different characters, and some guff about what each one is best at, but who cares? I picked the girl, because it’s a third-person game, and I’m going to be staring at someone’s butt while playing, so it might as well be hers.
So, on to the cut-scenes. At least they’re skippable, unlike Mass Effect‘s half-hour streams of boredom. Then the optional tutorial, which demonstrates how your character walks miserably slowly on their way to shoot a few things. Which is where you first learn some of the game’s horrible flaws.
The first is that the graphics are pretty dismal, even by console standards. I must admit, I wasn’t expecting much from a free game, but it delivered less. It looks as bad as Mass Effect on a bad day.
It’s another game with a ‘cover’ system requiring you to use special commands to hide behind cover, rather than just, you know, hiding behind cover. Any game that needs a cover system is just admitting that its user interface is horribly broken.
Oh, OK, it’s clearly a console game, so obviously its user interface is horribly broken.
You can only carry two weapons, because allowing you to carry more than two might be too much like fun, and that’s not allowed.
The space bar is used for jump, hide and run, and there’s no discernable way to tell which it’s going to do. The middle mouse button is used for magic shield and magic attack (they don’t call it that, but that’s basically what it is), and there’s no discernable way to tell what it’s going to do. The magic attack is powered by some magic goo that you have to collect, and about two attacks use up all your goo, so what’s the point?
Since it is a multiplayer game at heart, playing single player means you’re lumbered with three artificially stupid team-mates. The tutorial also demonstrates the really limited order system you can use to work around that artificial stupidity, but who wants to be forced to command bots in a shooter game?
There’s a lot of plot twaddle. And more plot twaddle. And something about a meteorite or something. I don’t know, because I was sick of cut-scenes and skipped it all. Not to mention that the horrible flickering in one of the cut-scenes threatened to give me an epilepsy attack. Then more cut-scenes. Then you get to walk slowly to some weird capsule thing. Then there are more cut-scenes.
So, you’re playing some super-elite soldier babe, and the tutorial has introduced you to a number of weapons that you can use, so what do you think it’s going to do now? Yes, you guessed it, it’s going to take all those weapons away from you and leave you with a pistol. Because having the weapons you want to use might be too much like fun.
Since it’s a third-person cover shooter, you spend a lot of time either being shot because you can’t go into cover behind things that are clearly quite suitable as cover, and being shot because you can’t get out of cover mode and move to where you want to move. It’s at least as bad as the awful Mass Effect games, and probably worse.
Oh, yeah, and since it’s a third person game, you also spend a lot of time shooting bullets into the wall right in front of you when you have to shoot around something the game won’t count as cover.
This is followed by walking into an area, being attacked by about a million identical, moronic bad guys, thanking the bad guys for leaving ammunition boxes randomly strewn around, but still running out and having to pick up some random weapon because you can only carry two. Then defend the area for five minutes while a thousand indistinguishable bots run toward you. Then hack a door (translation: hold ‘E’ for a few seconds) before moving onto the next area.
Then there’s a cut-scene where some guy spews some plot-twaddle, and you do the same thing again.
And crates. Did I mention crates? The one surprise in the game was walking into a few areas with crates and thinking ‘ha, there are crates, so clearly I’m going to get attacked and have to take cover’… only to not be attacked. Wow.
I should also mention that the reason you run out of ammunition is because the indistinguishable bad guys take about three thousand hits each to kill. You keep blasting away at them from close range with an assault rifle, and, after you kill half a dozen, no more bullets.
Then there’s lack of a save system. It randomly saves at checkpoints, so, if you get bored and want to quit, be prepared to have to fight through the same mob of identical enemies again to get back to where you were.
I could go on, but I quit before finishing the first level. From the screenshots, it looks like things might get interesting later on, but I couldn’t find the enthusiasm to play through the boring parts to get there.
It’s not an awful game, it didn’t crash, it doesn’t expect you to pay to win, but it’s just mediocre. Everything it does has been done before, and done better.
So, I went through the whole reformatting thing for Space Weasels, uploaded it to Smashwords, and two days later ‘I see your NCX isn’t formed correctly in the EPUB file.’
I’d already downloaded it the previous day and verified that the table of contents showed the same entries as The One That Got Away. So exactly what is supposed to be wrong with it?
Who knows? How can I tell? All I get is a pointer to go and read the style guide.
I honestly think I’m going to have to pull all my books off the site before long, because it’s such a damn pain in the ass to deal with.
Edit: I’m sure I shouldn’t need to add that their response to my support inquiry asking what they thought the problem was did not tell me what the problem was, and just pointed me to the same formatting guides which provide no information as to what they think the problem might be. So I’m left having to upload randomly modified versions of the file and hope that they eventually accept one.
This is just stupid. They’ll spend far more time reviewing fifteen versions of the file than just telling me what they don’t like about the table of contents.
So, I finally uploaded The One That Got Away to Smashwords. I’d been putting it off, because the site is such a pain to use compared to Amazon; I have to completely reformat it into their own special Smashwords format so it can then reformat that into the other file types. Even on a short story, that takes half an hour or more, whereas running my conversion script for Amazon takes five seconds.
Did that, and, lo! Rejected because Smashwords’ converter had decided to mark every single paragraph as a new chapter in the table of contents.
Why? Who knows.
Tried fiddling with a few things and uploading, and it was still wrong.
Copied-and-pasted the text into a copy of the Welcome To The Future document I uploaded a few months ago, and lo! Everything works perfectly.
Why? Who knows.
I could upload a perfectly good epub, but then they won’t convert it into all the other files they sell on their web site, so I’m stuck with using Word documents. But I’m increasingly of the opinion that it’s just too much hassle to bother with.
Edit: I believe I figured this out. Rather than doing something sensible, such as looking for heading styles to indicate the beginning of a chapter, Smashwords appears to assume that any text formatted with a style that contains the word ‘chapter’ is a new chapter. Since I use ‘Chapter Text’ for the generic text in a new chapter… each one becomes a new chapter. When I cut-and-pasted it, the text reverted to ‘Text Body’, which it’s now happy with.
What a pain.
It’s out now. As mentioned before, I have two short stories in this charity anthology:
I have two (very) short stories in a charity anthology: Something To Take On The Trip. This is the third in a trilogy of short story anthologies for charity, and this time includes stories by David Gerrold and a couple of other SF writers you may have heard of. The stories are in multiple genres and intended for a quick read on the bus or train.
Take a look and buy a copy when it comes out in a few days.
So, I happened to spot my Planet Of The Apes (60s/70s version) Blu-Ray collection lying under the cupboard and thought I’d watch the first movie.
What I’d forgotten was that it doesn’t work. The disk starts, there’s an animated ape, then a log, then it goes to a black screen with all the buttons disabled.
I remember there was a way to get past that, but can’t remember what it was. I tried numerous buttons, but nothing worked. Then I tried for about the fifth time, and suddenly I was at the main menu; the only thing I did differently was keep hitting the skip button, but maybe that was a coincidence.
Does anyone know how to make this disk actually play? This kind of crap is why I rarely buy Blu-Rays any more.
Edit: this time, pressing ‘Top Menu’ on the remote when the ape started speaking seemed to do it. I suspect, though, it’s just random, so sometimes it gets through the animated menu startup and sometimes it doesn’t.
My weird libertarian Halloween story, Twilight Raid, is going to be in a charity anthology with David ‘Trouble With Tribbles’ Gerrold, amongst others. I wrote it back in the 90s, but never found a market for it, and rewrote it for the anthology; the basic idea is still there, but I think only the first line hasn’t changed.
One of my favourite fan fiction stories: I read it years ago and came across it again online recently:
Working through the final act of the fourth Dirk Beretta story, which has been sitting on my hard drive for months, unfinished. I’m beginning to think I should expand it from novella length (currently it’s about 20,000 words) into a full novel, but I’ll have to think about it; not sure how it would fit into the rest of the series if I did.
Another one up, on Cora Buhlert’s site:
The last of the original Dirk Beretta stories is now available on Amazon. The first of the new stories, and the fourth in the series as a whole, is about 3/4 done and up to novella length this time.
A hundred light-year quarantine zone protects the primitive jungle tribes of the Platypus Planet from unauthorized interference. But not from BastadoCorp acquiring mining rights through bribery and fraud.
When Dirk Beretta’s girlfriend tells him to get off the couch and look for a job, he finds the perfect opportunity, thousands of light years from her, with free guns and beer, as security chief for the mines.
But no-one told him what happened to the previous security chief, or that the Platypoids would rather die fighting than see their land defiled.
Should he follow his new boss’ orders, and nuke the jungle until it glows… or save the furry native girl with the leather bikini, and risk a messy death in Bastado’s grinding machines?
A 12,000 word science fiction novelette.
No, not a call to arms, but the second of the Dirk Beretta short stories. I’ve revised it to fix a few things that bugged me, and make it more Createspace-compatible, and released it today on Amazon. I’ll probably make it free when I re-release the third story in the series.
After Dirk Beretta saves the Winterbotham Nachos heiress from a fate worse than death in the Space Weasel kibble factories, a romantic cruise around the galaxy with her looks like a well-earned rest.
But Royalist revolutionaries on the Planet Of The Squid have other ideas. When they hatch a plan to replace the democratic government with moronic monarchy, Dirk Beretta faces a difficult choice: can he kill his new drinking buddy to save democracy?
First of the revamped Dirk Beretta stories should be out on Amazon shortly. I’ve changed a few things that always bugged me, and added a completely new blurb and cover which better represent the story. I should be uploading the other two before Christmas, and hopefully the fourth story will be out in January.
Currently free until the end of Monday, so grab it while you can.
Vicious, congenitally bureaucratic, and proud of their resplendent flame-red uniforms which give them a five minute life expectancy in combat, the Flaming Space Weasels wiped out most of Dirk Beretta’s fellow space marines at the battle of Din Bin Foo… then served them for lunch with a nice Merlot.
In the aftermath, Dirk quits his job as poster boy for the Space Marines, to drown his sorrow in cheap booze and cheaper women. But when a gang of pirate Weasels come hunting fresh meat for the kibble factories, his brand of pig-headed determination and excessive violence may offer the chance for redemption… and revenge.
A 7,000 word science fiction short story.
I was going to write the third short story in the Area 52 universe, but I think now I’m going to just reissue them reformatted to match the rest, and expand those two into a novel.
Edit: actually, reformatting ended up with revising too, but there’s not much difference between the first and second editions of the first story. Mostly tweaks around the edges and formatting issues.
As Chekhov said: If you hang a scythe in the barn in act one, it should stab something through the head in act two.
Well into the second act now in NaNoWriMo at around 33,000 words. I’m busy splitting the characters up, one is dead, one is badly wounded, several are mildly so, and the werewolf fetishist makeup girl has got some action.